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McDonalds

For those of you that know me, you know my current place where I work is McDonalds..

I've been faithfully working there past my Review, for about Four months.. I work the overnight shift from 11pm until 7 am, and al ot of the time stay extra hours when they are stuck with schedule problems. I know Grill, Front Cash, Drive Thru, and Lobby/Maintenance.. I've been trying to get promoted to Crew Trainer by being put back on Day Shift because I wouldn't mind moving up for a few promotions in the store.. However it feels like I've hit a brick wall.. especially last night.

I used to respect my overnight manager profoundly.. I mean she'd piss me off now and then, but generally I knew she was a good person.. She cares.. Simple as that.. But she says things in a way that degrades a person into feeling like they are little, and small, and meaningless..

Last night she cut Bill from a shift, and was going to get me to do his job and some of her job.. and I said, "Well it'd make more sense instead of cutting a lobby person and then adding drive thru to do lobby, to just keep lobby person right?" well apparently I was wrong. I wasn't challenging her authority at all, I was just wondering why.. And what would make more sense, or more conveniant.. Especially since I have over 40 hours this week and bill doesnt.. that it would also cost the company less money.. Little did I know the reasons to keep me.. And she didn't tell me the reasons, she asked me if I would like to switch with Bill, and I said yes so she said fine..

So that was fine, I figured since I dont get a day off until next week I'd actually get one.

Well I go get Bill's uniform and come back,a nd she gives me hell. Telling me that I forced her to make that decision to make me happy. But that because of it I've made her get yelled at by customers for slow service and its all my fault, and that I've screwed up the whole night. That I am always willing to make everyone happy and help out everyone else inthe store but her.. And that its only because of her that I have my job, and that she really doesn't need Bill and that she could let him go before his review but he's there to make me happy. And that I dont appreciate her.. and then she asked me how that made me feel.. Letting me know that I let her down, and that I wasn't there for her.. And I screwed up the whole thing, and she's gonna have to talk to Lynn and tell her what I've done.. And asked if I felt like crap.. And that I should feel bad.

I told her she didn't have to say yes.. That she could have told me she had her reasons and that she didnt like the idea.. She could have explained to me after when it wasn't so busy.. She didn't have to take my self esteem and throw it on the floor.. She's supposed to be professional, and respect me like I have to respect her.. I suppose.. I dont know.. i've always felt like I was worthless by my father.. He used to tell me how much my decisions used to throw everything off.. That I've screwed everything up.. Especially not getting my Grade 12. But life was so hell at my house, how could I focus on school? I wanted to run away so much.. So I got a job and ran away.. Without my education..

I guess her saying that, just flooded back so many memories of when I was younger.. How stupid my father used to tell me I was.. That everything is my fault.. That my decisions are going to screw me up.. that I'd be nothing..

Sincerely,
Kendra-Dawn

posted by Kendra Robillard @ 6:30 a.m.