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Untitled

Honestly, don't know what to call this blog.. so it remainds untitled until such time as I deem it a name.

So let me put it simple..
Sometimes I wish I was incriminating to myself, so that at least when I'm getting accused of something, or told I've done wrong when I Really havent ( And trust me I hate feeling wrong when I'm not.. ) that way when someone's bothering me about something, at least I've done it. I mean who wants to go to jail for a crime they've never committed? At least, lemme drink the champaigne and feel like an evil doctor before you stop me from my wrong doing...

What else do I not like.. Possession.. possession of people.. Things is alright I suppose, I mean we believe we've owned things cause we are stronger, more brillient. Like tree's.. We have the power to kill them, and make them into paper, which we own? I guess... that makes sense..

So why have I brought up the matter of possession?
Well put it this way.. I hate jealousy.
Jealousy is like possession.. Its like you own someone because you care about them, and they mean something, and thus being jealous is like you possess someone just because you share common interest, like a relationship.

So I guess I see things differently than most would.. Some people think that being jealous means the person loves and cares about you, and should be embraced in small doses.. Other people think that it means control, some trap that you simply cant get out of.. And some people have different views on what "small doses" and.. "Okay jealousy" really is.. or what exactly it is.. and some people dont even know what jealousy is.. They just do it. Feel it.. Like its something new.

Well its really nothing new.. People experiance jealousy since they're born.. I suppose its a natural instinct.. Jealous on sibling rivalry.. thats not love.

Jealous about shareing childhood toys?

What talents someone possess that you deem better than yours?

So I guess what I'm trying to say is some jealousy is okay I suppose.. I mean.. to the healthy person, if its only natural.. Yet.. I hate it at the same time. I dont get jealous too often when it comes to relationships.. Actually I dont get jealous at all. I hate it.. I feel like I am possessing that partner, like I'm squeezing to the point where I wont let go.. and they end up going.. "eh.... back off?" but when it comes to me and my brother.. i've always been jealous of him. And I'll freely admit it..

I'm jealous of Anthony, and sometimes even Corey..

But is it really a healthy thing? Or just misperception? If I even spelled that right.
Is it really how I perceive as wrong doing to me? That my brothers have these security blankets around them, or something I do not? Is it something that is rightfully mine? Or is it equally dealt out in some master plan? Do I have some of these things that I believe that I am missing? And just can't see it? Or do I want what I can't or havent had simply because I want to see how it feels, and my jealousy is also part of a natural curiousity for what was never given to me? Whats the difference? Is jealousy also branched off into bitterness?

So then, do we make a word, like being jealous, to cover more ground than bitterness, curiousity, and different spanning feelings.. and it really doesn't just define one emotion, but caps together several at the same time to produce different situations and feelings we simply cannt control?

Is there any way to train yourself to get rid of it? Or will it always be a natural thing we carelessly ignore because we can't help it? Is it an excuise so that we dont have to better ourselves, and learn that we dont always get what we want.. and what we do have, others might be jealous about? Is it just something simple we revert to because we want it, and think we deserve it, whereas that other person doesn't?

Sincerely,
Kendra-Dawn

posted by Kendra Robillard @ 10:56 a.m.