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Sunny Winter

Okay, an oxymoron right? I mean come on, winter, sun..

You get sun in the summer and it teases you with that hot sweaty feeling.. Then it comes out just as bloody bright to blind you in the winter, but its still damned cold.. How fair is that? We still get the blinding spots in our retinas, but no damned warmth.. god. Even the sun is laughing at us for half the year.

I guess that is what happens in life... you get those ups, and then you get in the same time of day, and it all sucks again.. So depression is sometimes like living in Canada...... Kinda sad... Depressed.. Still depressed.. Hyper. Those are the moods of those that A: Drink too much caffeine, or B: Are coming out of being a teenager.. That or you have some sort of brain chemestry, but lets just talk in a more average basis.

So what do you do when your best friend doesn't pick up the phone? Or in this case, what do you do when you get overwhelmed with things.. Like a messy house, diabetes, trying to keep yourself in check because you havent finished highschool and a full time job? Or.. other circumstances which I'm sure you know who you are..

It came to pass..

Sometimes I can revert back to those days when I'd simply only cry alone, or amung the small few that got to see it.. Which I have to admit would be one of my more embarassing moments in fiction.. Or in my mind its fiction.. Feels like it sometimes, so rare.. but it hurts. Always has, always will.. Its hard to breathe, your heart farts and forgets to start beating again cause its like.. choked itself.. ( bad humor.. ) But yeah.. It sucks.. and you simply think that everything is falling apart.. and then it kinda passes..

So what DO you do when someone isn't there to pick up the phone.. you pull out your trusty mirror..

I dont remember if it was Sunday school that taught me that life's most precious and most hateful moments is in front of the mirror.. and that it is to man kind one of the hardest things to look through.. Because you don t actually look through it, you look in it. And its like the eyeballs to your own soul. It tells you the good and the miserable things about you. And sometimes it can even tell you what you are in fact doing right in this world.. Its just as easy to give up and tell yourself how crap you are.. But that doesn't mean that tomorrow isn't a brand new day, with a new time to try... It just means that right now it sucks.. so fix it.

I know its not that simple, but I've found that pulling out the mirror can give you a small focus.. Something for yourself to grasp that is real, and unfake. The mirror never lies, and sometimes it can restore some sort of ambition one might have in life.. So what is ambition? What makes us have meaning.. What makes life work? But then what is life? But the pure definition of breathing.. and if in that instant, while you are breaking down and crying and you can't figure out why you are breathing.. then maybe you need to take a look at life.. and remember that all things have come to pass..

Sincerely,
Kendra-Dawn

posted by Kendra Robillard @ 10:54 a.m.