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Everything is better with Coke

There is life beyond McDonalds. Cleaning the cobwebs off the journal I can’t possibly loose no matter the amount of times I’ve moved. Boxes, tape, gasoline, until half my crap is scattered across Ottawa and I can’t collectively look around and be able to amount all the shit I own.

I’m not going to pretend that internet popularity is going to grow, and that anyone is actually going to read how things have been, so this is for my own personal attention and nothing more.

I’m a chronic smoker, a real maturity toker, color my world realist with a career in pouring coffee for the Caffeine deprived hard working average citizens of the City of Ottawa also working the night shift alongside me. Speeding their cars away, systems up, windows down, resting only for a coffee break before they zealot off to make that pathetic penny to supply the packaged garbage that’s slowly killing them anyways, now there is irony.

Sure we have that sense of comfort. The reasons we get up in the morning, the reasons we go to sleep, that family pet, that love of their life, that child that keeps waking people up at four in the morning cause apparently sleep is only for the sick or the old people down the block. Is it a fixation and an idea of purpose, a warm pretty security blanket we wrap ourselves in, pretending that this is going to last forever, to make the most of the little loves that we have, or is it possession? I can do this because I possess the strengths of those that we’ve come to know and potentially love. You’ll never see an animal wondering why they are fighting to survive; they just do it, alone or in a pack. Dogs feed off of pack energy, but they also motivate themselves when they are alone, they don’t need that comfort, they are survivors. But why?

I’m not a pessimist, or even a total realist. Animals have no sense of right and wrong, they don’t have feelings of hate or greed, and they don’t look the other way before biting into another food sources neck. They don’t choose to be vegetarians for sensitivity towards others in their environment, they eat, they live, they sleep at night fully aware that they’ve tasted blood and it was delicious.

So question does this then separate us from the animals we’ve apparently evolved from. Although they feel fear, anxiety, emotions that relate to their sense of wellbeing, they shake, they bark, they bite, they squeal, they even play, but no guilt, no sense of shame, so why are we so sensitive? Maybe its because animals didn’t create nukes, wars, theft, they didn’t create overpopulation that created famine and then treat it like it should be a choice to donate or not. “You should choose to feed the homeless, the AIDS stricken children, adopt them to our lifestyle of greed” it should be a damned law that we have to share our luxury; we helped make the world this way, lets share. But I got to pay my cable bill first right? No friggen responsibility. Why help other war stricken countries, not our problem, we got satellite! Please.

Here’s my rant, ONE donated non perishable food item at thanksgiving isn’t going to solve the 364 days of the year where we are having our thumbs up our asses in the club stripping the dignity we have left for women and letting our children run around and add more babies to the ever growing population of adoption agencies. Grow the hell up. Obesity is a way of the world telling us that we have too much and to give the rest of the world a damned turn.


So what is next. Already you’re thinking I’m a cold hearted insensitive person. No I don’t give half the crack addicts on the street my smokes or my change, that’s not being a hypocrite, that’s teaching people that when they are down, to get the hell up and stop whining about their shit. Mental people, mothers with children that their husbands fucked, and actual poverty stricken people, sure. But the asshole teenagers and bottle addicts can bite me. I work hard, I’m a Type 1 Diabetic, and I’ve pretty much been denied numerous possibilities for my ambitious stomach to chew on. Lost school funding AGAIN, crappy underpaid job, family that thinks I’m a big joke, and one maybe two friends who actually see me for anything I could be. And those are the people I associate with, and RARELY see. Surprising isn’t it. Oh and I love Karaoke bars.

What if there is no God? I lay awake at night praying to God that the damned Christians we all know and hate are right in some way. I mean, if there is just nothing, and the Atheists are right, and haven’t just sparked some kind of rebellious attitude because the Christians have mindfucked us, then what is the point of living wealthy, poor, making good or bad choices. Who cares if watching tv and stuffing our faces made us happy? Who cares if we’re jerks, rude, sweet, funny, or married or have a career? In the end it was all just a big tease? I lay awake at night, wondering if there is no purpose, and that we have just become conceded in our own rights that since we are so different from all other species, and science was just some coincidence, then this is the end of the road and we should just do whatever. Who cares about hair color? What status we are, we’re all ending up in the ground, do what makes you happy as long as it doesn’t hurt the people around you and enjoy it, cause life is one big tease. Sucks don’t it, that’s the negative person desperately hoping her life isn’t nothing.

Oh, did I mention there’s this guy I met that I wanna marry? Yep. Happy me!

Happy Victoria Weekend!

-“Life is like a puppy. Cute when you see it until you bring the thing home and it pisses on your good rug.” –by.. ME!

posted by Kendra Robillard @ 12:13 a.m.