m0us3

Too scared

Afraid of loosing
Afraid of being exposed...

I'm afraid of all those things..
I'm afraid to stand tall for myself, believe in something, and swim against the current when peopel tell me I'm wrong, even though I'll go on, secretly believing they are wrong, but never really .. finishing the arguement myself on top.

There was a singing audition, and usually I'll do anything I can to get to it.. Anything I can to do it..

But not this time..
If I hear one more person tell me I'm okay, but not good enough.. unique.. It was good BUT..... Everything before the word but is erased.. You can say compliments out your ass, but the second someone says the word "but" .. its gone.

I can't do it. I can't face another let down.. Its like someone's cracking another push to my face, or a shove to my back.. until finally I just wont get up again..

It doesn't help to tell me that I should get up, those positive voices telling me I should think better of myself, telling me to pick myself up, are so faint, so blurred under the screaming of those bashing me down.. That I simply will not hear them.

So what do you do when you are scared, and you fight to be brave, until you can't anymore?

you quit.

Sincerely,
Kendra-Dawn

posted by Kendra Robillard @ 10:45 a.m.